southern ramblings

Ok so its really more like three weeks, but days just sounds better. I have survived!! It is a nice feeling.

I'm in a very odd place in life right now. A major crossroads if you will. I have many options before me for lots of different areas, but they all seem to lead back to school. Option 1) Continue to work full-time while attempting to get my Master's Degree in School Counseling - if continued on this path, as my courses are laid out right now, it will be Dec. '08 before I graduate. That seems like FOREVER away. Option 2) Quit working a full time job, take out a private health insurance policy (insurance is the only reason I have cont'd working), and become a substitute teacher.

I'm seriously leaning towards option two. It makes no logical sense, but it feels right. On top of all of this, I have a car payment to start thinking about. I really feel like I'll be well taken care of if I just step out faith. It is so incredibly scary.

I am by nature a planner. At least when it comes to my personal life - I knew I would go to school, I knew it would be away from Knoxville, I knew I would start working immediately after graduation for at least one year and then go back to school for my master's. I'm just a planner. That's about all I can say.

I think this is the first of many leaps of faith that will be placed before me in the next few weeks. I'm anxious to see how the mission trip to England will unfold. I know we are going to help the children/youth of the church in England, but I also know from past experience that the "missionaries" are often more moved/changed than mission itself.

I had my first Saturday Graduate class this past weekend. For those of you who don't know, that means I sat in class from 7:30 am until 4:45pm Saturday, with about 45 minutes for lunch. It was long and hard, but I kind of like that version of class. We'll see how well I did on my test later. All that explanation just to say, my teacher made some comments that have really stuck w/ me for a few days. That is rare especially considering how tired I was from serious lack of sleep. Anyway, she spoke on seizing the opportunities before us, and that more often than not there will be more people presenting the reasons the opportunity is wrong than there will be supporting opportunity and my decision.

I think that is the attitude I'm taking w/ the whole job/employment finishing school issue. I want to be done w/ school. If I can finish sooner, that is better deal than anything else right now.

Any thoughts??

Well, I have taken one more step into adulthood this past week. I bought my first car!!! This is huge for people who know me and my family, I am very excited about it. Its a 2002 Nissan Sentra - it is adorable and I love it. This was a huge step in my independence, I picked out the car, and went through the whole car buying experience all by myself w/o my parents being here in town. I did talk to them on the phone, but basically I did it all on my own.

That is my exciting news. I now have a more emotional matter to discuss. I have a friend who blatantly persues any guys that I show or mention interest in. At first I didn't realize this tread was taking place, but conveniently after I have expressed my interest, my friend ends up meeting them for dinner, drinks, or just to chat !!! I was ok w/ it considering we were all becoming friends around the same time, until I noticed the distinct pattern of her behavior. This time she has gone entirely too far w/ this little game that she plays. I'm at a huge crossroads. Do I tell the guy about her game (and risk looking like the jealous girl)? Do I keep my mouth shut? Do I tell her how hurt and angry I am (not that she would care - proven by her actions)? We have this huge trip coming up, and I'm very much afraid she is compromising the integrity and purpose of the trip. Does that sound entirely foolish b/c I was interested in the guy? I worry about the effect this will have on my friendship w/ the guy - b/c I am becoming friends w/ him - dispite her attempts not to let that happen. I'm afraid that this will be like a dark Eeyore cloud that hangs over me on the trip. I don't want that to happen - but don't know a way to prevent it.

I hate how vindictive and mean she has been to me. I hate that she is deliberately going after the guy she knows I'm interested in. I hate that they have a short-lived past experience, and therefore already have history. Most of all I hate how middle school my adult life has become!!! Why falling in love be in real life, like it is in the movies....Boy meets girl, boy flirts w/ girl, boy asks girl out, they fall madly in love, date for an appropriate length of time, and stay together forever. Why must it be so complicated???